Making it ROCK ...more!

The story is a good story. However, I feel there are some holes that could be articulated better and in more description. So with a million inspired ideas spilling out onto my paper, I worked on filling those holes. Here is what I came up with. Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think!

Manuscript:

Aisley and Ala: When I Grow Up

Page 1: One very rainy, very dreary, Monday morning, Aisley and Ala were occupying they're time playing dress up. Pink, yellow, and blue flowing dresses filled the floor. Shoes, hats, and bags lay scattered at their feet. And, in usual Aisley and Ala fashion, another contest began.

With a stethoscope in one hand and a little orange stuffed tiger in the other, Aisley began proudly, "When I grow up, I'm going to be an ANIMAL DOCTOR!"

She pictured herself in her very own office, wearing a doctor's coat and taking care of a very cute little kitty.

Page 2: Ala, who was not at all impressed, looked mischieviously at Aisley, put on a tiara and her favorite sparkly pink dress, and quickly retorted; "Well, when I grow up, I'm going to be a PRINCESS!"

She saw herself sitting on her throne, septor in hand, and a shiny crown on her head.

Page 3: Aisley rolled her eyes, started rummaging through their toy bin and grabbed her toy microphone, "Well, when I grow up, I'm going to be a SINGER!"

Suddenly, Aisley was on stage, singing her heart out to an audience cheering her name.

Page 4: Ala shrugged her shoulders, thought for a moment, and grabbed a western hat, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a COWGIRL!"

Instantly, Ala was rared back on a beautiful horse, with her hat waving in the air.

Page 5: Aisley, obviously annoyed, grabbed some glasses and a ruler and shouted with confidence,"When I grow up, I'm going to be a TEACHER!"

And there she was in front of a chalk board, hair up in a bun, swinging that ruler around at a class full of students.

Page 6: Still grinning and very pleased with her sister's irritation, Ala found her somewhat too small bathing suit and spouted, "Well, when I grow up, I'm going to be a MERMAID!"

In true Little Mermaid style, Ala, appeared on large rock in the ocean, hair blowing in the wind, and her tail waving behind her.

Page 7:Aisley's face went from red, to purple, and back pale pink as she thought...and meditated...she pondered and diliberated..and..."Ah-hah!"

Page 8: Aisley knew she had Ala now,"When I grow up, I'm going to be THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!"

Aisley stood in front of a very large American flag, holding her hand over her heart, and an audience applauding.

Page 9: When Aisley looked back, she was very proud of herself. Her arms crossed, her hip cocked and nose high, she expected Ala to be speechless in defeat

But Ala wasn't...she never, EVER was...

Page 10: Ala knew exactly what she was going to do. She began sifting through costumes, first putting her favorite pink sparkly dress on; over her too-small bathing suit, then glasses. Finally, taking a ruler in her hand, she belted triumphantly,"When I grow up I'm going to be a SINGING-TEACHING-MERMAID-DOCTOR who becomes the first SINGING-TEACHING-MERMAID-DOCTOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!"